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 By Warped Fungi: The Never Ending Story

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Do you like the story so far?
 67% [ 6 ]
 33% [ 3 ]
Total Votes : 9



Posts : 76
Join date : 2010-04-13
Age : 26

PostSubject: By Warped Fungi: The Never Ending Story   Thu May 13, 2010 5:02 pm

Here is the never ending story edited to be more readable. I will continue to update it as the story progresses. I made slight changes to make it a bit more understandable but I took no-ones pieces out.


By Warped Fungi
You were walking through the forest and you found something very large that tried to invite you over for dinner because you ripped open your flies and got confused because it made no sense. That led to your wanger being on the table. Your mother then walks in and starts hitting you in the weak point and throws you through the window, causing massive damage. You cast cure 3 and Caith Sith appears to rip your brains out and hits you where your mom did. You wake up to find it’s a dream, but the world was coming after you, along with all your nightmares combined. They begin to slowly tickle you to the brink of killing yourself, breaking the law, chopping your danglies off and eating all your special stash of Hostess Twinkies! Then your grandma comes in. What your mom did does not compare to what she did. She tried giving you her special meatloaf that she magically pulled out of her afro and proceeded to Hit you with it so viciously that you danglies fell off and went in her mouth. She choked on it, came up, and puked blood onto you. This caused you to be sick, half die and end up knocking you out until you wake up and find yourself in space fighting Arbiter next to Master Chief. Suddenly a plasma grenade flies towards you, bounces off your danglies and makes you cry in pain. The grenade then goes and falls down your throat, into you lung and your entire body blows up, but you're head is still intact. It is taken by Osama bin Laden, who gets an AK47, aims it at your skull, lets rip, causing you massive amounts of brain aneurysms, and you somehow survive it, while doing 10 thousand back flips with your eyes closed, eating a hot-dog, and firing a fuel rod gun at a covenant battleship, destroying it.
Soon you faint, and find yourself in a room full of Master Chief’s armor suits. You get given one, and miraculously survive the loss of your entire body and near destruction of your head, allowing you to start a mission of eating all death bombs to save the universe. You proceed to walk out of the room when you trip on a banana peel and die and fail the world... Until Goku finds all 7 dragon balls and brings you and everything back to life and you find the covenant's death bomb in your ship, eat it, it explodes inside you and nothing. You get cautious and die anyway, only to be immediately reanimated as a super awesome robot bunny that can fly and commit suicide by falling 2cm. You proceed to walk through the forest you started in and die by hitting a tree. You are then reanimated as Khokharboy's avatar.
You begin to terrorize zombie cats, squirrels and ate a raw zombie bunny for lunch, which gives you both a power and a disease. The disease is to forever have the taste of rotting flesh in your mouth and the power is to detect fish from a mile away. You see a zombie cat hoard yelling: "MEOW". You begin to release fire on them but they get too close. You get out your pistol and shoot slimy poisonous raw fish at the zombie cats and they die instantly! Then you retrieve the fish from the slain zombie cats, cook them, and eat them. The cooking changed the poison to cat poop, but you don't mind as you literally don't have a mind. You then go and puke into the last zombie cat who eats it and turns into the Incredible Hulk. You get torn to shreds, but you don't care, after how awful your day's been so far. You hope that tomorrow's going to be better, because you're going to go to the hospital to treat your case of nightmares.
The next day the doctor prescribes medication for the nightmares, with side-effects including insomnia, hallucinations, and diarrhea so trying to sleep becomes a problem, when you can’t sleep and have diarrhea. The long night went past and in the morning you feel way too exhausted from getting up to go potty every 15 minutes during the night and cannot make it to work, so you decide to shoot a McDonalds worker because he said McDonalds couldn't deliver food. After your lengthy court session and finding out he would have died of HIV anyway, you get knocked out by a gang, and crap on them every few minutes, causing them to turn brown, but there already brown so they didn’t notice and walked off so you shoot them, and kill the rest of the people at McDonalds. You decide to plant a small range nuclear grenade in court, and you blow up the hall while at the toilet. Then a gang member comes along and gives you a leg to whack a man round the head with. You eat the man and the leg making you a cannibal, shunned from society.
After traveling thirty miles west you crap so violently that you have to take off your underwear and pants. When you reach the next village, a violent child comes along with a huge bat and whacks you in the wobbly bits, causing you to get so angry that you kill him and eat all of the evidence. Unfortunately, the police were Kenyan and while you had a 100m start they caught you in 9.7 seconds and threw you into a Kenyan jail. You then ask for more and more food in jail, so that you puke. When you do puke, you aim it at the cell bars, and it burns through due to your odd diet from the last few days. After escaping you find Obama became president and you try to commit suicide through diarrhea. That surprisingly didn't work, so you try other methods such as destroying New York with atomic bombs to make a point against the government who had ate all the cookies which turned out to be the bombs, destroying the Leaning Tower of Pisa which was being used as a base for a space elevator. Somehow, as the space elevator is crashing down, you get randomly teleported into the counterweight asteroid. You lose your mind and rip out your genitals, causing you to scream so much in pain 307 OAPs lose their sense of hearing.
After the lengthy court session you go see a new band made up of The Lich King as lead guitar, Richard Dean Anderson as the bassist, Lugia as the drummer and Megan Fox as the lead singer. The genitals that recently were destroyed grew back because of Megan Fox's fake body. You went back in time to destroy this story by summoning the Jagex game designers to try to improve it. They try to destroy your favorite toy named floofy the agent dog. You find out he goes out every day to make crappy Jagex updates like the HP to constitution update, so you strangle it before they can. This makes Jagex angry, and Jagex decides to terminate your account, but "and Jagex" is just a regular player, trying to sound official with their name to scam. After reflecting on how things actually changed after getting used to the constitution update, you begin to wonder why they didn't do the same for other "consumable" stats like Prayer and Summoning.
You sneak into the Rune Fest event to find out but find they don't let you in without a costume, so you dress up like Bork, only to find that their having an RS-inspired combat event. After being placed in the combat ring, you get to choose your weapon from a selection of a rubber chicken, a used condom, a greasy pair of underwear and a Goa'uld Mother Ship; you decide to pick the ship. Unfortunately, its inhabitants interpret your attempts to wield it as a threat and fire the ship's weaponry at you on maximum power, destroying Earth in the process. Fortunately, though, you are sleeping in your ship. When you wake up you decide to look and See Earth's innards, who is actually your dog, not the planet Uranus. Now you decide that Jagex is gay and you begin to shoot Mod MMG in the head which causes a nuclear explosion so large a black hole opens up. You decide to walk away and erase every piece of evidence that you left behind.
You then promptly forget the previous five pages of story and go for a walk where you used to work but got fired for punching a rude customer in the face. You see a wanted sign for the rude customer who committed armed robbery. You then begin your search for the rude customer, starting at the Grand Canyon. You find a mysterious old cripple who says for $100 and some food he will give you a secret map of the canyon leading you to treasure and possibly the wanted customer's hide out. You decide to give him one of your granola bars, but ask him for photo ID and to sign a hastily handwritten contract guaranteeing the accuracy of the map before giving him the money. The old man seems to be going along with your request, but then you see that his ID reveals him to be the wanted customer. You wonder how he aged so much in only a few months, but before you can ask him he disappears with your wallet, leaving behind the map.
You decide to say screw the wallet; the map has treasure on it. You pick up the map and loot the nearest outfitter store. After looting the store you end up Looking like Neo from the Matrix after you donned all your new gear. Your body sways with the weight of all the guns, bandoliers, and ammo you pack. In your stylish new trench coat and weapons you walk out of the outfitters and promptly fall over the edge of the Grand Canyon. Fortunately, amidst all the heavy gear, you also have a Plasma grenade that looks like a one-eyed trouser snake. This scares the crap out of a gay vulture, so he takes you to the customer. The customer becomes scared of the grenade and so he commands his pet vulture to eat it. After the fiery, feathery explosion settles down, you find that the customer has vanished again, you are nowhere near the treasure, and night is falling fast. You set up a base of operations to help you find the treasure and track the customer who, in the commotion of the exploding vulture, you planted a tracking device on.
You sit down at your system and see that the tracking device is right behind you, but when you turn around you see nothing. You reach out towards where the device should be and feel someone grabbing you down onto the ground. Quickly you pull out "your" knife (stolen from that outfitter store), but the knife is defective. You hear a loud squeak! Dang! It’s a dog toy! The shadowy figure bashes you on the head with some sort of rock, or dead animal. You are unconscious. When you wake up you are in a dark room and you can't see anything, you are also tied to a chair. You start to panic, loudly tipping over the chair in the process. Suddenly, a noise-operated light turns on and you find the room is full of sexy women. They tell you they kidnapped you because they were lonely, when you ask about the tracking device they tell you they found it in the rocks. After listening a bit more you decide to...

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Mark Gyver


Posts : 223
Join date : 2010-02-10
Location : USA

PostSubject: Re: By Warped Fungi: The Never Ending Story   Thu May 13, 2010 6:41 pm

I voted both yes and no.
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Posts : 176
Join date : 2010-02-22
Location : England. At least, that's how I remember it.

PostSubject: Re: By Warped Fungi: The Never Ending Story   Sat May 22, 2010 1:28 am

Ho ****. We have really written that much? Still think the one-eyed-trouser-snake grenade is funny XD
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