Never Ending Story!

and Jagex decides to terminate your account but...

... "and Jagex" is just a regular player, trying to sound official with their name to scam. After reflecting on how things actually changed after getting used to the Constitution update, you begin to wonder why they didn't do the same for other "consumable" stats like Prayer and Summoning. You sneak into the RuneFest event to find out and find ...

.. they don't let you in without a costume, so you dress up like Bork, only to find that...

... their having a RS-inspired combat event. After being placed in the combat ring, you get to choose your weapon from a selection of ...

a rubber chicken, a used condom, a greasy pair of underwear and a Goa'uld Mother Ship, you decide to pick the...

ship. Unfortunately, its inhabitants interpret your attempts to wield it as a threat and fire the ship's weaponry at you on maximum power, destroying Earth in the process. Fortunately, though, you are ...

sleeping in your ship. When you wake up you decide to look and ...

See Earth's inards, who is actually your dog, not the planet...

Uranus. Now you decide that Jagex is gay and you begin to shoot Mod MMG in the head which...

causes a nuclear explosion so large a black hole opens up. You decide to...

walk away and erase every evidence that you left behind. Then you...

... promptly forget the previous five pages of story and go for a walk where you ...

used to work but got fired for punching a rude customer in the face and you see...

... a wanted sign for the rude customer who committed armed robbery. You then begin your search for the rude customer, starting at ...

the Grand Canyon and find a mysterious old cripple who says...

for $100 and some food he will give you a secret map of the canyon leading you to treasure and possibly the wanted customer's hide out. You decide to...

... give him one of your granola bars, but ask him for photo ID and to sign a hastily handwritten contract guaranteeing the accuracy of the map before giving him the money. The old man seems to be going along with your request, but then you see that his ID reveals him to be ...

the wanted customer you...

wonder how he aged so much in only a few months, but before you can ask him he disappears with your wallet, leaving behind the map. You decide to ...

say screw the wallet, the map has treasure on it. You pick up the map and...

loot the nearest outfitter store. After looting the store you end up Looking like Neo from the Matrix after you donned all your new gear. Your body sways with the weight of all the guns, bandoliers, and ammo you pack. In your stylish new trenchcoat and weapons you walk out of the outfitters and.....

promptly fall over the edge of the grand canyon. Fortunately, amidst all the heavy gear, you also have a ...

Plasma grenade that looks like a one-eyed trouser snake. This scares the crap out of a gay vulture, so he takes you to the customer. The customer becomes scared of the grenade and so he...

commands his pet vulture to eat it. After the fiery, feathery explosion settles down, you find that the customer has vanished again, you are nowhere near the treasure, and night is falling....

fast. You set up a base of operations to help you find the treasure and track the customer who, in the commotion of the exploding vulture, you planted a tracking device on. You sit down at your system and see...